10-16-09 – Invisible Monsters

More and more survivors are becoming ill. I don’t know if Ted was right, if it’s coming from the water or from something else. Maybe some of the food has gone rancid, and we’re all in a panic trying to track down the source, the cause.

I feel now as our ancestors must have felt at the beginning, that water is the greatest of treasures, the mother nurturing the cradle of life. Water, the most valuable possession on our planet, the thing that sustains us, fuels us, helps us grow – it is now come under suspicion. And to think, to even entertain the thought that we are not safe, that we are being poisoned even now by our own foolishness, our ignorance, makes me shiver with fear. I feel fine, most of us do, but those that are ill wail and wail all day long, singing their suffering to the rest of us, making us feel guilty for having our health.

How could I leave this place? And yet, how can we stay? I look at Evan and Mikey, boys who have barely begun to understand the world – are we endangering them just by spending another day in this crowded, surging, bulging refugee camp? The survivors arrive in a constant stream, not always a strong current, sometimes only a trickle, but constant nonetheless. They are straining our resources, no, the resources are for them too, but soon the supplies will be spread so thin that no one will have much of anything.

I boil my water twice, sometimes three times before drinking it and after every sip I begin to feel sick, not from illness but from fear.

Poisoned. Poisoned from the inside out… I will not let that be my fate, not after so many days of hard-won survival. I will devise a plan, a solution, no matter how many hours of sleep I must lose, or meals I must skip. This is our fortress, our safe-haven and a threat is a threat whether it comes from outside or within.

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